thou shalt always

A tribute to Ironside Ultimate 2009.

To the tune of Thou Shalt Always Kill, by Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip.

Thou shalt not foul if there is a direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship Tweet Idols or follow West coasters.
Thou shalt not take the names of Paul Greff, Lenny Engel, Eric Zaslow, Bill Rodriguez, Dick Brown, Jordan Haskell or Steve Mooney in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays masters is useless. Some people are just soft.
Thou shalt not read RSD.
Thou shalt not stop liking a play just because it's become popular.
Thou shalt not question Ryan Todd.
Thou shalt not judge a team by its website.
Thou shalt not judge us by Ben's tights.
Thou shalt not buy Powerbar products.
Thou shalt not buy Gaia products.
Thou shalt not go onto the beach with Rosenthal's best friend, get drunk and photograph him.
Thou shalt not turn the disc so easily.
Thou shalt not use heckles, booze or music to get into girls' pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch the prequarters.
Thou shalt not attend the track and leave as soon as you've done your shitty little workout you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not set up in the same inside position game in, game out just 'cause you got a block once in college that you're never gonna fucking get again anyway.

Thou shalt not put teams and star players on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.
New York, New York: Were just some shirts.
Sockeye: Just some shirts.
Sub Zero: Just some shirts.
Furious George: Just some shirts.
Rhino Slam: Just some shirts.
Windy City: Just some shirts.
Johnny Bravo: Just some shirts.
Death or Glory: Were just some shirts.
The Condors: Just some shirts.
Clapham: Just some shirts.
Double Happiness: Just some shirts.
Jam: Just some shirts.
Boss Hogg: Just some shirts.
Twisted Metal: Just some shirts.
Chain Lightning: Just some shirts.
Revolver... JUST SOME SHIRTS.

Thou shalt give equal worth to turnovers that occur in non-elimination games as to those that occur in elimination games.
Thou shalt remember that hucks, pivots and swing were never part of the zone offense and never will be.
Thou shalt not play repetitive generic offense, thou shalt not play repetitive generic offense, thou shalt not play repetitive generic offense, thou shalt not play repetitive generic offense.
Thou shalt not huck and hope.
Thou shalt not holla if you're a balla.
Thou shalt not play to the crowd on a travel call.
Thou shalt not play all day, all day on D.
When I say "Iron" thou shalt not say "Side."
When I say "Up" thou shalt not say "What?".
When I say, he say, she say, we say, "pwn some nubes" - kill me.

Ah, I forgot where I was, hang on

Thou shalt not think Ted's happy.
Thou shalt not swing it like a college women's team.
Thou shalt not wish your cutters were a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the words "D-Hole" D-H-O-E-L not D-H-O-L-E, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Pony lost to Bodhi at regionals by saying "Is it".
Thou shalt think as a team.

And thou shalt always...
Thou shalt always kill!